For many expecting and new mothers the journey through pregnancy and early motherhood is also a period of significant emotional and psychological turmoil. Mental health issues during this time are common, yet they are often shrouded in silence. These challenges can manifest in various ways, including anxiety, depression, heightened irritability, difficulty bonding with the baby, and also physical symptoms like fatigue and chronic tension. By looking at these experiences through an existential lens, we can explore the deeper questions and struggles that arise during this transformative phase of life.
Why Parenthood? Exploring the Desire to Have Children
From an existential perspective, the decision to have a child is deeply rooted in the human search for meaning, connection, and legacy. Motherhood offers individuals an opportunity to confront and engage with some of life’s most profound questions: What is my purpose? How do I contribute to the world? How do I connect to others beyond myself?
Seeking Meaning
Having a child often represents a way to participate in something larger than oneself. Motherhood provides an avenue for a person to create and nurture life, leaving a lasting imprint on the world. For many, the act of raising a child fulfills a deeply ingrained desire to contribute to the continuation of humanity and to see parts of themselves carried forward.
Confronting Mortality
Having a child can also serve as a way to grapple with mortality. Creating new life allows the person to symbolically transcend their own finiteness. Through their children, mothers often experience a sense of continuity and renewal, finding solace in the idea that a part of them will live on even after they are gone.
Creating Connection
Motherhood is often seen as a profound way to form connections. Bringing a child into the world fosters bonds—not only between mother and child but also within extended family and communities. These connections can fulfill a fundamental human need for intimacy and belonging, allowing mothers to engage more deeply with others.
However, when the decision to have a child is primarily driven by societal or extended family expectations, it can lead to a sense of detachment or conflict within the mother. External pressures to conform to cultural or familial roles can influence a woman’s sense of agency, potentially creating feelings of resentment, anxiety, or emotional disconnection from the child. Mothers who feel they must meet external expectations may struggle with developing an authentic bond, leading to increased stress and internal conflict. Recognizing these pressures and exploring one's own motivations for motherhood can help foster a more meaningful and intentional parenting experience.
Beyond forming connections with their own children, mothers often reflect on their own childhood experiences, which profoundly shape their parenting approach.
The Echo of Our Mothers in Our Own Motherhood
Pregnancy and motherhood reopen the path to a woman’s own experience with her mother, influencing her identity as a parent. This process can bring warmth and security if the relationship was nurturing but can also trigger anxiety and unresolved grief if it was strained or neglectful.
Repeating or Rejecting Patterns
Many mothers unconsciously replicate their own upbringing, modeling the caregiving styles they experienced as children. Others, recognizing past difficulties, may strive to do things differently, sometimes leading to heightened self-criticism and pressure to be the "perfect mother."
Healing or Reawakening Traumatic Experiences
Pregnancy can serve as an opportunity for healing or reawakening past traumatic experiences. The expectation of caring for a child may bring unresolved childhood pain to the surface, making it essential for mothers to process these emotions through reflection, therapy, or support systems. Some women use this period to redefine their relationship with their own mothers, either deepening or distancing those bonds in response to their experiences.
Motherhood: An Existential Crisis of Losing and Rebuilding the Self
Motherhood is often romanticized as a period of fulfillment, love, and purpose. Yet, from an existential perspective, it also represents a profound crisis—one that challenges a woman’s sense of self, freedom, meaning, and safety. The transition to motherhood forces a confrontation with existential themes that shape human existence, often in ways that are unsettling, disorienting, and deeply transformative.
Fragility of Life
Bringing a child into the world is an encounter with both life and death. The birth of a child intensifies a mother’s awareness of her own mortality, as well as the vulnerability of the infant she is now responsible for protecting. Suddenly, life feels more fragile—both her own and her child’s. The simple act of holding a newborn can bring an overwhelming sense of existential anxiety: What if something happens to my baby? What if something happens to me?
This heightened awareness of finitude is not unique to motherhood, but it is undeniably amplified in this experience. Giving birth places a mother within the cycle of existence in an unavoidable way. The realization that she is part of an ongoing chain—someone’s child, now a parent herself, and ultimately mortal—can be both grounding and unsettling. The mother’s relationship with death shifts, not only because she now has someone to live for but because her own finitude feels more consequential.
Freedom and the Weight of Responsibility
Motherhood often brings a paradoxical experience of both loss and expansion. On one hand, there is newfound responsibility—an unavoidable and inescapable duty to another being. The child is entirely dependent, making the mother’s choices feel weightier than ever before. The mother must make countless decisions, knowing that their consequences will shape another life, yet never being able to predict their outcomes.
At the same time, motherhood can feel like a loss of personal freedom. The ability to act spontaneously, to make decisions based solely on one’s own needs and desires, is now limited. The mother is bound by the needs of the child, and while this bond is often described as one of love, it is also one of limitation. The existential challenge is how to reconcile this new responsibility with a sense of individual autonomy—how to remain a self while being wholly responsible for another.
Reconstructing Meaning and Purpose
Motherhood is often framed as a path to profound meaning, yet this meaning is not always self-evident. For some, motherhood offers a sense of transcendence—the opportunity to live beyond oneself, to contribute to something greater. From this perspective, raising a child can become an act of meaning-making, a structure through which purpose is formed.
But what happens when this meaning feels elusive? Many mothers struggle with the weight of expectation: Shouldn’t this feel more meaningful? Why do I sometimes feel empty or lost in this role? If meaning is imposed rather than chosen, it can feel stifling rather than fulfilling. The process of adjusting to motherhood often requires questioning and redefining meaning on one’s own terms rather than simply accepting cultural narratives about what motherhood should be.
Identity Shifts and the Loss of the Familiar Self
Perhaps one of the most disorienting aspects of motherhood is the shift in identity. The woman who once existed before pregnancy and birth does not entirely disappear, but she is changed in ways that are both visible and invisible. Many mothers struggle with the tension of feeling internally the same while being treated as fundamentally different by society.
This shift is not just psychological but also physical. The body that once felt familiar has changed, often permanently. Social pressure to "bounce back" to a pre-pregnancy body only deepens the existential tension—mothers are expected to bear the marks of motherhood (nurturing, caregiving, selflessness) while erasing its visible signs. The expectation is not just to be a mother, but to look like a woman untouched by motherhood. This creates an impossible double bind: the body is a site of both transformation and erasure, something that should bear the evidence of having given life yet remain unchanged.
Beyond the body, other markers of identity shift. Careers may be paused or abandoned, personal ambitions put on hold. The sense of self that was once built around freedom, achievement, or personal growth is now reshaped by caregiving. Some embrace this shift with ease, while others struggle with the feeling of having lost a version of themselves they valued deeply.
Mental Health Concerns during Pregnancy and Early Motherhood
Pregnancy and new motherhood bring many emotions—joy, excitement, and sometimes worry or sadness. While ups and downs are normal, some emotional struggles go beyond the usual adjustments. Recognizing when extra support is needed can make a big difference for both mother and baby.
Recognizing Symptoms: When to Seek Mental Health Support
Feeling emotional during pregnancy and postpartum is common, but some feelings may signal a deeper issue. Knowing the signs early can help moms get the support they need.
Common Emotional and Psychological Symptoms:
- Persistent sadness or emptiness – Feeling emotionally numb or unable to enjoy things.
- Excessive worry or anxiety – Constant fears about the baby’s health, parenting, or overwhelming intrusive thoughts.
- Irritability and mood swings – Feeling frustrated or overwhelmed easily.
- Guilt or feelings of failure – Thinking you’re not a “good enough” mother.
- Disconnection from the baby – Struggling to bond, feeling distant, or having negative thoughts about the child.
Physical Signs That May Indicate Distress:
- Extreme exhaustion – More than the typical fatigue of new parents, a feeling of inability to do things.
- Appetite changes – Eating too much or too little.
- Sleep problems – Insomnia despite being tired or sleeping too much.
- Unexplained physical issues – Headaches, stomachaches, or body pain without a clear cause.
Serious Warning Signs That Require Immediate Help
Some symptoms require urgent attention. If you or someone you know experiences any of the following, seek professional help right away:
- Thoughts of self-harm or harming the baby – Suicidal thoughts or intrusive thoughts about hurting the baby
- Hallucinations or delusions – Seeing or hearing things that aren’t there or extreme paranoia
- Feeling completely detached from reality – Feeling like you or the baby aren’t real
If you notice these symptoms in yourself or a loved one, reach out to a doctor or mental health professional for support. Help is available, and you don’t have to go through it alone.
Understanding Perinatal Mental Health Diagnoses
Mental health challenges can arise during pregnancy and after birth. DSM-5 (American Psychiatric Association, 2013) and ICD-10 (World Health Organization, 1992) identify several perinatal mental health disorders. The most common include:
- Perinatal Anxiety Disorders – Includes Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), panic disorder, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Symptoms can involve constant worry, racing thoughts, and compulsive behaviors.
- Tokophobia (Severe Fear of Childbirth) – This can be a deep fear of pregnancy or result from a traumatic birth experience, causing distress or avoidance of pregnancy.
- Peripartum Depression – More than just “baby blues,” this is a serious condition involving long-lasting sadness, fatigue, and difficulty bonding with the baby. Many new moms experience “baby blues,” a temporary emotional dip in the first few days after birth. It includes mood swings, tearfulness, and anxiety but usually resolves within two weeks. If sadness lingers or worsens, it may be peripartum depression, which requires professional support.
- Postpartum Psychosis – A rare but serious mental health crisis that includes hallucinations, delusions, confusion, and extreme mood swings. Immediate medical care is necessary.
- Birth-Related PTSD – Some mothers develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after a traumatic birth, leading to flashbacks, hypervigilance, and emotional numbness.
Understanding these conditions and getting help early can improve well-being for both mother and baby. If you or someone you love is struggling, know that support is available, and seeking help is a sign of strength.
Approaching Perinatal Mental Health Issues
Caring for a mother’s mental health during pregnancy and early motherhood requires a team effort. Often, the first signs of emotional distress are noticed not by mental health professionals but by those closest to the mother—partners, family members, midwives, obstetricians, and pediatricians. These individuals play a crucial role in offering support, encouraging mothers to seek help, and breaking the stigma around perinatal mental health challenges.
A well-rounded approach to care focuses on both the mother’s and baby’s well-being, ensuring that mothers feel heard, supported, and understood as they navigate this life-changing experience.
Key components of the care plan are:
- Psychotherapy: Psychotherapy provides a space for mothers to explore the deeper meaning of motherhood, identity shifts, and life changes. It helps them confront existential concerns such as responsibility, freedom, and uncertainty, fostering self-awareness and resilience. Through emotional processing, mothers can express and understand complex feelings, reducing distress and enhancing self-acceptance. Therapy also encourages authenticity, helping mothers navigate societal pressures while staying true to their values. By strengthening their ability to build meaningful connections and develop personal coping strategies, psychotherapy empowers mothers to approach their journey with greater clarity, compassion and purpose.
- Psychiatric care: For some mothers, psychiatric care is essential in managing severe symptoms. If medication is needed, doctors carefully assess the risks and benefits, especially during pregnancy and breastfeeding, and adjust treatment as necessary. Close monitoring ensures that both the mother and baby remain safe. In critical situations, where there is a risk of harm to the mother or the baby, hospitalization may be required for stabilization.
- Family and Friends Support: A strong support system helps mothers feel understood and less isolated, but well-meaning family and friends can sometimes add pressure instead of relief. Criticism, unsolicited advice, or unrealistic expectations—whether from a partner, grandparents, or friends—can increase stress and self-doubt. Dismissive comments like "You'll be fine, all mothers go through this" or pressure to "bounce back" quickly can invalidate a mother’s struggles. Instead, support should be practical, patient, and free of judgment.
- Partners should actively participate in baby care rather than assuming the mother should "naturally" handle everything. Feeding, diaper changes, and soothing the baby are shared responsibilities, not just the mother’s role. When both parents are involved, it eases the mother’s emotional and physical load, strengthening the bond between partners and with the baby.
- Family members and friends can offer real help—holding the baby so the mother can shower, bringing meals, or watching the baby while she naps. Small breaks for basic needs like eating, sleeping, and self-care can make a significant difference in a mother’s well-being.
- Peer Support Network: Connecting with others facing similar experiences provides validation and reduces isolation. Peer support groups, online communities, and shared activities offer emotional reinforcement and practical guidance, helping mothers feel less alone in their journey.
- Self-Care: Self-care for new mothers should, first of all, be guilt-free. Simple, flexible opportunities for sleep, healthy nutrition, time outdoors, relaxation, and basic grooming can make a real difference. Short naps when possible, quick and nourishing meals, a brief walk with the baby, or even a few moments of quiet breathing can help restore energy. Small acts like washing one’s face or changing into fresh clothes can also bring a sense of renewal. Self-care isn’t about perfection—it’s about finding what’s manageable and supportive in the moment.
Conclusion
Motherhood is a journey filled with both profound meaning and deep challenges. Pregnancy and postpartum can trigger unresolved personal histories, self-doubt, and societal pressures, making it crucial for mothers to acknowledge their struggles and seek support when needed.
References
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing.
Arnold-Baker, C. (2020). The Existential Crisis of Motherhood. Routledge.
Postpartum Support International. (n.d.). Worldwide maternal mental health awareness. Retrieved from https://wmmhday.postpartum.net/
Raphael-Leff, J. (2001). Inside Pregnancy. Karnac Books.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (n.d.). Symptoms of Depression Among Women. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/reproductive-health/depression/index.html
Cleveland Clinic. (n.d.). Postpartum Anxiety: Causes, Symptoms, Diagnosis & Treatment. Retrieved from https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/22693-postpartum-anxiety
Mayo Clinic. (n.d.). Postpartum Depression – Symptoms and Causes. Retrieved from https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/postpartum-depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20376617
National Health Service (NHS). (n.d.). Symptoms – Postnatal Depression. Retrieved from https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/post-natal-depression/symptoms/
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). (n.d.). Perinatal Depression. Retrieved from https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/perinatal-depression
National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI). (n.d.). Perinatal Depression – StatPearls. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK519070/
WebMD. (n.d.). 8 Early Warning Signs of Postpartum Depression. Retrieved from https://www.webmd.com/depression/postpartum-depression/early-warning-signs-postpartum-depression
WebMD. (n.d.). What You Need to Know About Postpartum Anxiety. Retrieved from https://www.webmd.com/depression/postpartum-depression/what-is-postpartum-anxiety